Tweet of the day 8-30

My son has discovered that if he pushes on my boob milk squirts out. He also thinks this is hilarious. 💦💦💦
— opinionated mama (@OpinionatedMomm) August 30, 2013

Tweet of the day 8-29

Fun fact: Mom's belly makes for a great Play-Doh substitute.
— Amy (@FunnyIsFamily) August 29, 2013

Tweet of the day 8-28

Definition of a sippy cup: A cup that is totally awesome at keeping the drink in, as long as it’s never left on its side

— Baby Sideburns (@BabySideburns) August 28, 2013

Tweet of the day 8-27

I can't find my kid's birth certificate, but I apparently saved one for every Build-A-Bear we own in a special file because I'm insane.

— Stella G. Maddox (@StellaGMaddox) August 27, 2013

Tweet of the Day 8-26

I already want to take a nap tomorrow! #pregnantprobs #mommylife
— Jenn Collins (@jennifercole86) August 27, 2013

Tweet of the Day 8-25

In his ongoing crusade to purge every ounce of joy from the parenting experience, my son has converted cuddle-time into headbutting-time.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) August 25, 2013

Tweet of the Day 8-24

I can’t wait until my son grows up and the realisation hits him that the light sabre he found in my drawer was actually a vibrator.
— Fluffy Suse (@fluffysuse) August 24, 2013

Tweet of the Day 8-23

Thinking the best way to clean up the house this weekend is to throw it all in the garbage and start from scratch.
— This Mom (@ThisMomSaidIt) August 24, 2013

Tweet of the Day 8-22

Where are the children's books that teach you the lesson that everyone is super duper awful?
— Angela Weezy (@wibo0016) August 22, 2013

Tweet of the Day 8-21

Yeah, so I've been in my pajamas since 5:30... so what? Related: there's nothing like getting peed on while making dinner. #sahm #mommoments
— Kristy C (@Kacey319) August 22, 2013

Tweet of the Day 8-20

Watching jeopardy. Thought I had suddenly become good at it until I realized that they were doing a kid addition #notsmarterthanafifthgrader
— Surviving Mamahood (@MamahoodDiaries) August 20, 2013

Tweet of the Day 8-19

My life today pic.twitter.com/DZqrl2iohU
— AnotherMomAnon (@AnotherMomAnon) August 19, 2013

Tweet of the Day 8-18

I've been trying to read this book forever, but I can't stop refreshing Twitter.
— Medicated Mommy (@PfizerGoddess) August 18, 2013

Tweet of the Day 8-17

Tad aaa! Now I am covered in edible glitter. http://t.co/fW7fOmAaeO
— They Call Me Mummy (@theycallmemummy) August 17, 2013

@funnymommoments Now THAT would make an interesting date night ;p
— They Call Me Mummy (@theycallmemummy) August 18, 2013

Tweet of the Day 8-16

I forgot I had eye makeup on, rubbed my eyes, and now I look like a back alley whore. My life is ruined.
— Medicated Mommy (@PfizerGoddess) August 16, 2013

Tweet of the Day 8-15

😂👌 pic.twitter.com/H8HX7ypIOG
— Florida☀Mommy (@Mommy__Thoughts) August 15, 2013

Tweet of the Day 8-14

Unless you're bleeding from the head or on fire, SHHHHHHH #DuckDynasty is on! That's a fact, Jack!
— This Single Mommy (@this_mommy) August 15, 2013

Tweet of the Day 8-13

Every time my kid talks about how farts are just "butt sneezes", I'm reminded how much I need more adults in my life #singlemomlife

— This Single Mommy (@this_mommy) August 14, 2013

Tweet of the Day 8-12

I can go hop a fence in my back yard and meet the bus around the block. I hate this Kindergarten worry that I am going through. GoGirl is so excited and I am so nervous.

I have a feeling the first day of kindergarten I may or may not chase down the bus
— SAHM_Problems (@missbusy20) August 13, 2013

Tweet of the Day 8-11

I'm going to start saying "I bet you know me from twitter" when I meet people.
— Single Supermama (@singlesupermama) August 11, 2013

Tweet of the Day 8-10

If you have any problems falling asleep, just have a 7yo explain to you what happened in a movie they saw.
— Ann (@writerPT) August 11, 2013

Tweet of the Day 8-9

It's Friday. Finally. I think I can actually hear Chariots of Fire playing in the background, willing me to make it until 5 p.m. #TGIF
— I Like Beer & Babies (@beerandbabies) August 9, 2013

Tweet of the Day 8-8

Today was GoGirl's 5th Birthday and my parents didn't make me want to drink... a gift for me! Yay!

Remember, to the world you're just one person, but to one person you're a giant pain in the ass and their reason for drinking.
— taytayMcSugarBoobs (@_TayTayJustine) August 8, 2013

Tweet of the Day 8-7

2 year old: "Popsicle." "How about a carrot?" "Popsicle." "Apple?" "Popsicle." "8 billion dollars?" "Money." "Popsicle?" "MONEY."

— Brian Hope (@Brianhopecomedy) August 7, 2013

Tweet of the Day 8-6

My daughter loves telling me how inappropriate other ladies clothes are. Especially when they are within earshot.
— This Mom (@ThisMomSaidIt) August 7, 2013

Tweet of the Day 8-5

Woke my 5 year old up at 2am to get revenge at him for waking me up every day at 6am but he wants to play now and damnit this backfired.
— Brian Hope (@Brianhopecomedy) August 5, 2013

Tweet of the Day 8-4

If I didn't have a smartphone, I'd be asleep 4 hours earlier every night.
— Female Addiction (@FemaleAddiction) August 4, 2013

Tweet of the Day 8-3

Minions. Why don't I have minions yet? I need to try harder.
— Addiction (@unarsed) August 3, 2013

Tweet of the Day 8-2

I hate when people are disloyal, such as my babysitter. She said she can't work anymore because she's going off to college. Nice priorities!
— Kelley (@KelleysBreakRm) August 2, 2013

Tweet of the Day 8-1

We can't wait for them to say "mommy" when they are babies then I can't wait for them to stop saying it when they are toddlers. #Parenting

— Martinis & Minivans (@martinisandmini) August 2, 2013